Once again this year, April 21, 2009, no birthday party celebration for Kailani. I do not understand why, and never will. I hope that she is not bitter and hurt when she grows older in realizing that her Mom never chose to honor her birthdays as a special day. She has had only one planned birthday party that I know of, this one on her 3rd; http://tejasmidget.multiply.com/photos/album/139/April_Birthdays ..All of the rest were either skipped, merged into some cousins party some other month, or on her brothers birthday in August. We always try to do something for her, http://tejasmidget.multiply.com/tag/birthdays but never exclude her brother to keep the hostilities down. There seems to be some sort of confusion that dictates what is, and isn't to be done. Perhaps there is some recollection of her third when her mother insisted that presents be brought for Cody also, then incredulously, as his punishment for some unknown reason to us, his were put in bags and put away.
Darrell and Heather are going to church regularly since Easter. She wants him to give up drinking, which is a good idea. Perhaps she will hear a sermon or two on cleanliness. She blames the unkempt condition of the house on these two children. Darrell has resigned himself from his angry bouts of house cleaning and states that his temper is their only problem. I wish this were the case. They have wedding plans for July 25th, 2009. You are invited.
Off to mow/trim the yard as per my instructions :)
7 comments:
she's a cutie pie and a sweet kid.
Thanks for sharing that you lack basic sanitation at your house, I guess.
That's your choice, and it doesn't affect your kids or anyone else. If you like digging through the pile of dirty clothes on the floor looking for your cleanest pair of dirty underwear to wear to school, that's your business, great! Hope the rash isn't too painful. Vomit on the floor? No problem, it'll eventually blend in. Dog crap? Fleas? Wonderful! No clean dishes to eat with? Forget about it, we're living!
Expectations? Not me. I don't expect that Heather will ever clean her house, ever, and that's a lifetime's worth of garbage, and teaches the kids the same habits too. I'm grateful that I don't have to live in filth, and feel badly that my son has to. Fault me for that.
Sorry you didn't have or remember but 2 birthday events, and June was full of birthdays. The only filmed birthday event I recall, replete with hats, was your birthday. I was always a little envious of that :) I did have the 8mm film but it was burnt up by a crummy projector, so I can't show ya.
byron, i have not had that to think on since my grand-kids always get parties. but maybe little kailani may never
know the difference about a traditional birthday party. i only remember being hurt abt that once aft i had been invited
for the 3rd yr in a row to some little girl's party down the street. that was when i realized other kids had parties.
that yr i cried because i had no party, no presents and the day was non-special. daddy finally got tired of my crying
and took me to the corner store and bought me a trinket. surprisingly he didn't beat me for crying that time. :)
i was too young to know that money was an issue. mama explained it to me later. so i don't remember ever having a party either by myself or with someone. if i ever did i was too young to remember. birthday parties are just a
tradition. if you make her day special in any way she will remember that as well. take her to the park, the zoo or
down to the lake and have a picnic in her honor. she will cherish it forever and hopefully not remember what she
didn't have but what she did have will make a bigger impact on her.
house work does get overwhelming sometimes but to some housework has never been priority no matter what they
were or were not doing. my house has been in disarray so many times but filth is not something that i would live in.
even clutter drives me up a wall. not only do i try to keep up in and out of the house but i, like our mother did, spring clean every yr. that involves some heavy house work like cleaning out closets, dusting, reorganizing, window washing and the whole nine yards. my bedroom, bath and office are my trouble spots. those are the personal places we
live in constantly. disorganization is the worst enemy. there must be a place for everything and a shed for projecting would be next to heaven. but since i don't have one lots of my projecting has went out the door. i do this besides
having a busy life that trumps housework, like revivals continually, church at home, helping out with the kids which
has now become a more frequent responsibility, packing and repacking in and out of the house to the trailer and
back, sewing and other responsibilities. not to mention spending some pass-time on the computer and giving a little
time to a couple volunteer support groups to help other people with abusive childhoods.
eating out is a given in our field of work even when you get sick of it. but monroe is a long ways for eating out but my kids usual take me there every yr for my birthday.
i am glad that darrell and heather are going to church. it has a record for doing good for people and helping in the area of addictions and habits that are a danger to peoples lives. no one in their right minds want their children to deal with the troubles in life they dealt with. if life pans out for them it can also be good in the events of depression which is also a real contributor to some who feel overwhelmed by their lives. no Darrell's temper is not all there is to blame but this may just be the thing you can hope to bring about much needed peace for them in many areas. it will not make robots out of them but it can sure help. even if they find themselves faltering they will be very conscientious of their daily lives and responsibility toward God. nothing at all wrong with that. no telling what good will come about. best wishes to you and yours. love you all.
Don't be sorry for me. I already said it doesn't matter. I don't care abt such things. And yes, that is one of the two parties I ever had. I can only assume we had a little extra money that year. And thank you to Roncille for bringing the hats along with a little girl's billfold that said January on it and had a large gaudy garnet stone on the front ... which I dearly loved. lol.
You can be jealous of my hats and horns which were small potatoes compared to getting to go to barnum and bailey circus for JUNE 5, 11, & 15 birthdays, or the park or beach. Jan, of course, was not a good month for substituting a day at the park or the circus.
It's ridiculous to care abt such things. I cannot imagine thinking mama or daddy didn't think I or my bday was not special just because I didn't have parties.
Well, naturally I don't have to do such things ... but it's the next bit that makes the real point. If anyone does, it's THEIR business.
Except for the fleas part. I thought I'd never get rid of the fleas in this house from that carpet in the front BR when I first moved here, but after tons of bombs and tons of money they seem to be fairly eradicated. And the vomit. After I switched to decent cat foods, I haven't had to clean up another cat vomit since.
You grew up with your name on the chores list just like everyone else, and despite having been taught that you get your daily dose of housecleaning from regularly scheduled turns at scrubbing the toilet, mopping the floors, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, you've taken away little from that. Kay carries 99.9% of that load. So maybe if you didn't learn all that you were taught abt housekeeping, you can see that you might just need to worry a lot less abt what Darrell's kids learn from their parents abt housekeeping, and certainly don't worry abt what Darrell has to live in because he is an adult and chooses his own lifestyle. Obviously, like so many others, he'd rather go four-wheel riding than clean the house, and if your post holds any truth, he'd rather walk over vomit or dog crap than clean it up.
If I'd carried away everything I observed from my parents, I'd have beat my kids on a regular schedule, but what you sometimes learn is that you'd rather do things differently. If I'd carried away everything I observed from my parents, I'd go to pentecostal church on a regular schedule too, but what you sometimes learn is that you'd rather do things differently. If I'd carried away everything I observed from my parents, I'd live with someone "for better or worse", but what you sometimes learn is that you'd rather do things differently. etc and so forth. I learned an awfully lot from my childhood, but as an adult you get to be responsible for your own choices, and I haven't chosen to reenact quite a bit of it. Darrell is grown and is responsible for his own choices and their kids will be responsible for their own when the time comes.
Fault you for it? I just think you spend too much time worrying abt the state of their house. Darrell apparently loves Heather and vice versa. I imagine that's why he's been with her all these years and that's why they plan to marry. It's no secret that she would not have been your choice for your son, but he's been dead set on her for a long time now and after living together and raising children together this many years, he probably knows whether she is the woman he wants to keep living with and being a little happy that he's found the woman he wants to love is a lot better for your blood pressure and mood. A bunch of "All I want is for you to be happy, Son, and if this is what you want, I'm happy for you" would go a lot further. She does have a lot of good qualities and it appears Darrell prefers to focus on what he loves about her and making a home together.
ps I don't wear dirty underwear -- every last girl in this family has a phobia abt dirty underwear and would buy a pair before she'd wear a dirty pair. If nothing else gets changed, undies get changed. If nothing else gets bought, undies get bought. elsie wouldn't even go to the hospital to die until she got her "monkey" washed and her undies changed. But, if I'd picked up everything I learned at home, I wouldn't even wear undies ... still, sometimes what you learn is that you'd rather do things differently.
Then, hope for the best ... and look for the best. With a whole lotta caring, a whole lotta loving, a whole lotta effort, and a whole lotta luck, they might manage to make as many years together as our parents did.
My kids had a few bday parties when they were little. A few. Not one every birthday, that's for sure. We were too poor for parties. We almost didn't have christmas every year, some of those were pretty lean and without a tree or any of the trimmings.
Other sibs in this family didn't give their kids christmas every year. Daddy stressed over that a great deal. Yet I imagine their kids managed just fine without christmas and now they either do or don't do christmas celebrations and it's all on them.
Even now, half the time the gifts my kids get for christmas or birthday fall days - or months - away from either event, but if my kids are suffering from it, I'd be surprised. They certainly don't imagine themselves to be loved any less for it or considered any less special or their birth any less special.
Everybody does it their own way, Byron. Just let 'em.
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