My baby boy Darrell is moving to Clayton this weekend. I will be at
work so I cannot help him. Eleven years ago, my Dad helped me move in
here, and with painting & repairs.
At first he seemed thrilled about a nicer place but now he doesn't seem
too happy with this and has briefly expressed his concerns. Personal
conversations are rare, his life partner doesn't like him talking
privately with his dad.
His living arrangements appear to be this;
her mother has bought a trailer & property in Clayton, and Darrell
will be paying for it for 15 years, with no say over what he can or can
not do there. In my view, essentially a renter. I wish I could say that
they are looking out for their daughters, my grand babies, and
Darrell's best interests, but these are not good people who are honest
and a handshake would be as good as gold. These are evil selfish people
that have no qualms about who they can use and squash, in fact, they
relish it. They (Darrell & Heather) have lived next door for two
years rent free so they could get a head start, and he has not worn out
his welcome. My heart aches for him. I have higher hope for my boys.
This may all seem so trivial compared to all that many of you have been
through, but I worry that I see bigger heartaches down the road. I wish
my boy the best.
There are so many different emotions I cannot say.
I will be praying for my boys mental health and happiness, and Son,
"I'll leave the light on for ya".
90 comments:
There are no trivial matters where our kids are concerned.
Charles is right. There are no trivial matters where our children are concerned. I know you are as worried as Doll would be if the situation were thus so and it were her children's in-laws involved, as she learned the selfishness they could display when they so chose. I seem to have been more fortunate in this round. Although my sons are far fm "home" I am grateful that the in-laws are caring and welcoming when it comes to my boys. Once again, in life, where my boys are concerned, I count my blessings.
There is little you can do but hope for the best and as you say, leave the light on. I would hope Darrell will manage some equity in the place so in the event a move is in order, all will not be loss. If not, and it comes to it, I know what it's like to cut your losses. He's a strong young man, with quiet strength like his daddy. He'll be fine even if bruised, if it should come to that ... not that we want to see that at all.
He and Heather still have a lot of growing up to do and maybe they will learn to rely on one another and trust in one another to make things work despite the obstacles. One thing you can count on, he will be there to talk to you when he needs to. That won't be something he can or will want to let go of. As long as the light is on, he'll be coming home if for no more than to lean on some of your strength, share his joys and concerns, and strengthen the ties between father and son.
And remember, your family, at their distance, remembers you and yours in their prayers, and we love you beyond words - and yours.
So, is he and Heather moving in with her mom in her mom's trailer? Or will he and heather have their own place, but on her mom's property (that Darrell will be paying for?).
Not to bring up issues that have already been settled, but just wondering how any of this was decided or if Darrell is just being like the rest of the Cirilo clan and not able to say no when a needy cause knocks on his door.
I hope everything works out well for him. And I also agree with Mom in that at least you are nearby if the need should ever arise. As unfortunate as it is to ever need it, having a net prepared to catch you when you fall is a great blessing. And I've often felt it helped me grow up - knowing I was able to make my own mistakes and take some chances because I had a wonderful mother and extended family that would do their best to help me out when I needed it.
You are all great and wonderful people and I definitely miss having had the opportunity to be nearer in the last decade or so.
My own little piece of advice is not to second guess him in person - but to allow him to know you trust his judgment - or at least his heart - and let him know you're there whenever he needs you.
I am not privy to the arrangements so I can only surmise that in word it is supposed to be darrell and heathers place, but legally the moms. mom will not live there.
darrell has told me little else, except that mom is already dictating the rules.
a very difficult thing to do is sit back and watch someone you know who is untrustworthy hurt your kids, but i do trust darrell and as long as he knows what he's getting into, if he falters, i will be there.
Good point.
For what it's worth, I talked to "mom" today and asked her some specific questions in a not too confronting way. Asked her were they renting from her or???
No, it is in her name because they didn't have the credit. They were not renting, it will be theirs. She figures if they pay 1 note and she pays 1 note a month it will be paid for in 7 instead of 15 years. All very happy stuff, and generous too.
I told darrell what she said but added that she had to remove her shoes so she could cross all ten toes along with her fingers while she talked.
He grinned and said she probably did.
03-10-06
tonite my boy is packing a few clothes, he does not know where he is going, nor does he care. he picked up his son, cody from the daycare when he got off work, as is his custom. heather has not come home as yet (11:00 P.M.) and he has called the daycare which assures him that heather picked up his baby girl at 5:30 P.M. she does not answer the cell phone. we can only hope that the child is being treated well, and has been fed a decent meal (not cookies), and has been changed as needed.
i have seen our grandchild only once when my sisters and mom dropped by because heather has been disgruntled (more than usual) the past couple of weeks, telling darrell only that she wants a change, but does not say what. she has taken to yelling and cursing of the children and screaming at darrell at any provocation. there is no house cleaning, although there never was much of any cleanliness, no dishwashing, even after darrell bought and installed a new dishwashing machine, and darrell has been washing clothes to have something clean to go to work. he has just completed building on an additional bedroom and exhausted his income tax return. he says she quit basic hygiene, and of course any semblance of intimacy that may have been taking place. when he finally gave up and told her he was moving out, she seemed happy, and celebrated by cooking a family supper.
i believe as i always have, that this girl is emotionally imbalanced, and further, that imbalance is psychotic, and is passed down if not genetically, socially. statistically, there are only 4% of people who do not have the ability to love another person. my boy meets a mom/daughter duo at an early age.
i can feel his pain, as he tries to convince himself that it’s ok. i am praying for my granddaughter she turns two next month.
"Psychopaths are social predators who charm, manipulate, and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations, and empty wallets. Completely lacking in conscience and in feelings for others, they selfishly take what they want and do as they please..." [review of ‘Without Conscience’]
i'm so sorry. i know the words can hardly touch the pain of watching yr children as they struggle through the pain of heartache, but there is little to be sd other than my heart is with you and i'll keep holding out for the best for your babies. they are, after all, all of our babies. i love you.
Our prayers are certainly turned God-ward in your behalf.
Your situation is certainly not unfamiliar to God. And He cares.
And we care.
amen.
my kailani baby is napping now on the couch, she outlasted me at play and then fell asleep in maw-maw's arms. cody is with his other grandma, and heather dropped kailani off here this evening. i do not know if she is home or away as the bedroom darrell built during the coldest, wettest, winter days we have had, now blocks the view of the front carport area. my boy is at a friends house tonight, but may be coming in to spend the night with us later. as i stepped outside this evening, i asked our heavenly father that all be well, and i witnessed my second shooting star since our move sail across the night sky. i saw the first one back in july, shortly after we moved in, and took that one as an affirmation that we had done the right thing.
so glad your little girl got to spend some time with you. i know she is so crazy abt you and kay. i love shooting stars. perhaps this one portends more good in yr lives. hoping for the best for darrell and his little family.
these updates are not intended to dampen anyones spirits but to serve as an online journal. i apologize if this is not pleasant reading, and will remove any names from the posting if they let me know.
darrell & his babies left here around 9:30 p.m. yesterday & spent the night by themselves at the trailer. darrell brought kailani over this a.m. around 6:30. i helped darrell get some of the heaviest items from his house and we have put them in storage. kay made breakfast & made sure cody, kailani, & everyone had something to eat and clean clothes for the little girl. heather left around 4 p.m. yesterday and did not return until 9 a.m. this morning (3-19-06) around 10 a.m., she asked him where the babies were and came and got them from our house only to put them in the car & leave again. she appeared still wobbly drunk. heather's dad found her and sent her home, 2:50 p.m.
we are taking this one day at a time, and we are all good here. darrell is watching a movie with his brother.
i appreciate you keeping us posted. actually, i know my daughters-in-laws would like to be added to the list as they have to get the news second hand fm their husbands. if you don't mind adding them ....
I'm glad you and kay are close enough to be of help to darrell and the grandbabies. also to be of company to them. and support.
still thinking of you all with love and desiring only the best outcomes out of all this, whatever good grace determines that may be. lord knows i have made my share of disappointing decisions in my life, esp in my youth, so i am in no position to state what is best. i do know that the babies and your son can only benefit by being showered with your love, affection and support. if my family hadn't been there for me on so many occasions, well .... just thank you all for having been so much to me in times past.
all love.
our thoughts are with you and yours. Love you all.
i'm really not sure how accurately these user lists work, as linnea has already viewed this, as well as aaron, jennifer, & anonymous, but i can change the settings alright.
you must have a different kinda blog than mine bec mine doesn't show anon visitors, unless none ever come to my pages. :)
paid acct. shows detailed viewing history; this particular page has been viewed 80 times by 10 users. homepage; 2252 homepage views by 1536 people.
woh!!
Darell has been staying with us the past few nights. We are exploring options for him a place of his own to stay. He ran into the boyfriend last night in the parking lot of the Trak Store here in Clayton. Heather and the two babies were in the car with him, Kailani was asleep in her car seat, and Cody was awake. Darrell walked up to the car, waited for him to roll down the window, and asked him "Who the hxxx are you?". The boyfriend responded, "It's none of your dxxxx business who I am". Impulsively, Darrell reached into the car and pulled the guy out of the car through the open window and slammed him against the car but stopped short of beating the crap out of him when he says he heard two voices, mine and a friend of his, George, telling him "it's not worth it". Darrell tells me he is short and weighs about 300 pounds. Heather can pick them.
He has received a couple of cell phone calls from someone identifying himself as someone with the government telling Darrell that he must draft a letter, notarize it, and state in the letter that he is paying $281 dollars a month in child support, and give the leeter to Heather or they will take him to court and make him pay $400 a month for both children. This supposedly is for daycare payments made by the ¿state? Keep in mind that so far Darrell has been depositing his full check in a joint checking account and has only been out of the house since Sunday.This is the letter I typed for Darrell to notarize and give to Heather instead.
Darrell Cirilo March 22, 2006
To Whom It May Concern:
As a follow-up to the telephone call placed by you, I am agreeable to complying with any legitimate legal state or federally agency mandate. Please send me the proper form to be filled out together with your name, signature, the address and contact number of your agency, along with a signed statement outlining the full context of your request. Please include the purpose, the scope, and the dollar amount of your request, via registered letter with the U.S.P.S.
No telephone requests or third party handling of this request will be acceptable.
Sincerely,
Signature on file
Darrell Cirilo
Perhaps it is time to seek professional help.
i recommend my old friend and lawyer, brent gore. also, doing it now is a good idea before he has to be on the defensive. brent may see him or consult ont he phone for initial visit without cost. i know he consulted with dolly re shannon back at the time he and heather split prior to the divorce.
i know darrell wants to take care of his own, which is why i think he should take the first step and find out where he stands before anything does escalate. you could be with him to make sure all the bases are covered if he goes in for a visit.
as for the phone call, that is not the way the child support division does its business. "federally agency" should be federal agent. i'd be recording those phone calls. i got a nice little in-line phone recorder cable fm radio shack that works with any recorder (cassette or otherwise). btw, this is a one-party state so you don't have to mention calls are recorded. it will not be in h's favor to have hoax calls coming to darrell re this business.
love to all.
you can get the bank to notarize this, :)
he called the case worker in ferriday that handles child care services. heather has already talked to her and she says their are several men in the office so she does not know which one may have called. she says she needs this letter of any agreement between darrell and heather for the file, it doesn't matter if it's an agreement for two dollars or whatever. this in turn reduces his income and raises the amount that the state will pay day care. darrell wants me to draft the letter stating that he is paying $281 a month, he does not want a lawyer, he does not want to go to court. he wants to be done with heather. the boy is stressed & overwhelmed, so i will do it for him and hope that it is not un-doable or the beginnings of a long nightmare. the path of least resistance. it is cold tonight and the babies are not home.
i'm not sure what this means. even if it reduces darrell's income, it raises hers, doesn't it? so who is the state paying daycare on behalf of, darrell or heather?
i don't know. sounds like for darrell, for kailani?
it would still be smart for darrell to ask them to put this request in writing and he'll be glad to respond in kind.
then, maybe he wants to think abt the wording, maybe something like voluntarily giving 281 (or whatever) at present, pending any future agreed upon changes or court mandated changes, or decisions by the court, or revisions pursuant to any whatever. something that acknowledges it's not the "un-doable" nightmare you dread.
he can always add that he will keep them informed of any changes.
still think it's important that they make the request in writing. also, he needs to keep his paychk if he's gonna have anything to pay support out of.
yes, it does. which makes it sound like he's the one with custody? need some questions answered, i think.
write it for me?
ack! ok. let me think how to word it. i was having a bit of trouble myself, which is why I listed the several options.
something on this order, maybe. feel free to revise to your hearts content:
Darrell Cirilo
XXXX
Clayton, LA 71326
Child Support Office
XXXX
Ferriday, LA 71334
March 22, 2006
RE: Telephone conversation with XXXX, on XX/XX/XXX
Dear [name of person]:
This letter responds to your request via telephone on March 22, 2006 for a written disclosure of the amount of monthly child support I have agreed to pay Heather XXXX, for the care of my daughter, [Kailani's full name], birthdate April XX, 2004.
I understand this letter is needed for your files so that you may negotiate with the state the amount they agree to subsidize for daycare for my daughter, Kailani.
Per agreement with Heather XXXX, at present I have consented to pay $281.00 monthly for Kailani's care, pending any future agreed upon changes. This is the sum she has requested and presently seems agreeable. This agreement is based upon my current earnings with my present employer, XXXXXXX. I do not anticipate any changes in the near future; however I will be glad to keep you apprised should anything arise.
There is no convenient place or time to reach me by phone, but please do not hesitate to contact me via U.S.P.S. mail if you have any questions or need anything more from me.
Sincerely,
[Signed original on file]
Darrell Cirilo
he can also say for my daughter kailani and heather's son, from a prior relationship, cody, if he wants to get locked into supporting both of them. personally, i would not put that in writing because he doesn't know what will come of it ... like 700 for the two down the road somewhere. let her hit the daddy up for cody's legal support and he can contribute "under the table" if he wants.
not to be mean, but he has a lot of years ahead of him and doesn't want to get locked into something that becomes a nightmare .... like you sd.
yes i have it. pretty much as you wrote it. darrell will have to review it tomorrow & i will see if it satifies him.
Darrell Cirilo
[address]
March 22, 2006
RE: Telephone conversation with Ms Brown, on 03/22/2006
To Whom It May Concern:
This letter responds to your request via telephone on March 22, 2006 for a written disclosure of the amount of monthly child support I have agreed to pay Heather Willingham Jenkins, for the care of my daughter, Kailani [full name], birth date, [birth date].
I understand this letter is needed for your files so that you may negotiate with the state the amount they agree to subsidize for daycare for my daughter, Kailani.
Per agreement with Heather W. Jenkins, at present I have consented to pay $281.00 monthly for Kailani's care, pending any future agreed upon changes. This is the sum requested and presently seems agreeable. This agreement is based upon my current earnings with my present employer, Two J Ranch. I do not anticipate any changes in the near future; however I will be glad to keep you apprised should anything arise.
There is no convenient place or time to reach me by phone, but please do not hesitate to contact me via U.S.P.S. mail if you have any questions or need anything more from me.
Sincerely,
Darrell Cirilo
brent gore was my choice also but darrell emphatically did not want to see a lawyer at this point, so i did not make an appointment.
the bad boyfriend hopefully learned some manners from darrell's introduction the other nite. he used to be a guard at the prison and maybe he wasn't expecting to be dragged out of the car window by his neck. (secretly smiling) both darrell & curtis work out with olympic style weights. i can hardly lift the 45# bar and never mind all of the weights. they think that they should be as strong as dad (bluff). it's a good thing that so far, i only have to do 1 superhuman feat a year to impress them .
after talking darrell into a visit to brent's office, i believe the consultation helped a lot, especially for darrell. he basically agrees to our thoughts and says he would not under any circumstances put children (plural) or cody on the agreement as that pretty much says that he is claiming to be the father. he can not be forced to pay for someone else's child no matter if they had lived with him for 15 years. both myself & darrell thought that custody would be nearly impossible with him not having a house of his own. brent says that living with mom & dad was a + because there would be grandparents to help with the care, more so than a single man his age living by himself. so, boys, take note, any sign of trouble, move back in with mom or dad.
he only has to talk to heather and both agree to an amount, whatever that may be, for welfare to figure the amount of subsidy they pay the daycare center. he says go for lower but if she will not agree then give her the 281 as if welfare takes him to court it will be ~350 a month for 1 child.
I am so glad Darrell went to see Brent. When I called him, Brent told me he would be more than glad to meet with Darrell and you as well. I knew he would be helpful if Darrell would just meet with him. Thats good news abt the housing circumstances. I hope Darrell will stay with you guys at least until this is all sorted out since it looks like that would be good as far as the courts go. I know it'll be a little crowded, but hey! Maybe you two can put that extra room Darrell built next door on a jack and drag it over to your place. haha.
I pretty much knew it would be smart to name Kailani only in the papers, just to be sure she is acknowledged as his before things get any hairier. At least Darrell knows now that H. can blow hardy all she wants but technically, he is responsible for the care of his child only.
I'd just take that initial paper back over there AFTER getting it notarized at the bank and ... well, actually I'd get it notarized and MAIL it CMRRR to the child support office. That way he has his documented paper trail which he is most assuredly going to need down the road. They can b1tch and moan all they want after they get it, but it'll be done with by then.
heather is getting married. this am he noticed she was wearing an engagement ring. he went over there to tell her about the letter and come to a monetary agreement and she lets him know the news. whoopee. what a fruitcake.
Ah. ditto.
Ah, ditto.
gonna move into the place darrell's been clearing, building on and paying for. naturally.
darrell really needs to be careful abt how he proceeds. glad he talked to brent today. hope everything works out.
what breaks my heart is how depressed she can make him in just a few moments when he has been trying to feel so positive. she has to throw in remarks like "i haven't been happy for 2 years". and "i always knew it would be like this, when something came up, you were not going to take care of cody".
....baby kailani cried & did not want him to put her down and leave her. cody didn't seem to mind very much, he said. that tears him up. he will be better tomorrow when he picks his kids up from daycare due to heather working. we are doing our best to make him feel wanted and loved. personally, i am happy to have my little boy home again, however briefly that may be.
at 150 an hour, we did well today. he did not charge for the 15 minutes on the phone nor the hour and a half of legal advice. i think he knows we will be back, like it or not.
i find that grandparents have no visitation rights whatsoever unless in very unusual circumstances. if the father does not have visitation rights and bring them over, the possibility is that the grandparents will never see them again. i had the pictures in the truck and with darrell's permission, showed them to brent, who looked thru them several times. he liked this 1; says thats a good picture, thats [emphasis] a good picture. we will not lose this one for whatever reasoning he had in mind.
"click"
darrell is beginning to feel better. he is adjusting well and seems to be looking forward to his new life, like a little bird just about to spread it's wings and fly away. don't get me wrong, he has bad moments, but overall, the prayers and well wishes are helping him to heal. he has been more involved in the yard mowing that we have been doing without him (Darrell's Lawncare, he is helping with projects and odd jobs, we are still working on a plan for him and feeling like it may work out. he already has a key to a trailer in country estates but is waiting on a decision from 109 peach, in a similar arrangement. picked up the babies and brought them over for a little while, and is spending more time with friends. he is out with a friend tonight enjoying company & steaks, things that he didn't have liberty to do before. i have talked with him and supported him and so has his friends. we are hoping that this breakup is a godsend and will be thanking porkchop (aptly named) for taking her away. manna
There is truly a rainbow beyond every cloud. Finding it is the important thing. So glad to see you all making the changes healthily.
so true. mother and i were out and about yesterday when the oldie came on the radio "wouldn't have missed it for the world, wouldn't have missed loving you, you've made my whole life worthwhile, wouldn't have missed it for the world...." you prolly know the one. s'posed to be a lover's song, but mama reached for my hand and told me, "do you hear that? that's right."
it made me cry. and i knew, even tho i've had to watch her health decline in the ways it has over these past ten years, i wouldn't have missed it for the world.
You always have a way of saying things:)
we are just too broke up about it.
with the exception of long intermissions between grandbaby visits, there is a much lighter, more breathable air around here. darrell is still staying with us, and appears comfortable with that arrangement. he picked up the babies from daycare friday and they were here about an hour and a half till he took them to spend the night at psycho patties. heather didn't bother to come home. kailani stayed here sunday for a good while when heather went out. i had to work but enjoyed her company when i got home.
darrells babies cling to him and cry when he goes over there to see them. night before last he helped them with their baths and kailani didn't want him to put her down. the evening before, cody hadn't seen his dad all day and i could hear him crying as heather was telling him that his daddy couldn't stay there. heather seems overly interested in darrells whereabouts and who he is keeping company with. oh yeah, i was talking about that silver lining and posted this picture here but decided to remove it because i didn't want anyone to think we were crass.for not missing our boys ex-fiance. the long face, the hateful glares when you gave the babies a treat or a bite of supper, or ran a comb thru their hair.the evil stares when you tried to read the babies a book, kailani loves books, and generally the bad karma that fills her aura. oh well, nuff about that.
we are good. darrell thinks he is spending the night at a buddies, but isn't sure, i jokingly told him he has an 11 o'clock curfew but don't think he will listen. keep us in your thoughts, later
so, where are the pics of you and darrell dancing?
you're bad, anyway. *grin*
i am glad things are lighter and also to hear that the babies are able to come for a visit. i hope things settle down to where you get to see them more often.
btw, how did things turn out with the letter darrell did for the child support division?
did the simple is better letter brent suggested (darrell edited final draft) and darrell gave it to heather monday. don't have a clue what happened after that. i hope that my suspicions are unfounded; that she will not sign, notarize, and hand the letter to the welfare office for their files hoping that they in turn will notify child support services and go after darrell for non-support. i will remind darrell to call ms brown @ welfare and find out. he said that he was. So far he are keeping all the receipts from where he is paying local accounts and picking up bad checks and calling it support. he still needs about $130 to cover hot checks before he can close the joint account.
To Whom It May Concern:
In agreement with Heather Willingham Jenkins, I have consented to pay $281.00 monthly for childcare.
Sincerely,
----------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------
Darrell Cirilo
----------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------
Heather W, Jenkins Notary
i really think he should have had his signature notarized himself and sent it cmrrr to the child support office but maybe i'm just paranoid fm having seen so much. i see you have yr concerns as well. here's hoping for the best.
it's sunday, and i am missing my grand baby. no visits so far this week, heather picks them up from daycare and doesn't come home till late. although she never used to keep kailani for extended periods before, and she would always bring cody home early saturday mornings after spending friday nights, jenkins came over saturday and took them both to her house where they stayed all day & overnight. she kept them last saturday night as well. it is her nature to keep the grand babies from us just to be hateful, not because she likes babysitting . maybe i can get darrell to bring them here after a while. darrell & I went to lotus' yesterday piddling around and to pick up some things. maybe i am fooling myself by trying to keep darrell occupied, he is probably thinking "i gotta keep dad busy so he doesn't sit around mopeing".
as i was driving by the daycare friday on my way home from work, i saw kailani sitting in the playground by herself while she waited patiently for her mother who was inside talking, babble, babble, as is her custom, to pick her up. if men cried, i would have. those of you who are not accustomed to regular visits from their grand kids may not know the lonesomeness and helplessness that i felt. things will surely get smoother , i hope.
daddy would have understood this deeply. i too ache for my children and grandchildren, even tho i do not get to see them as often as you were accustomed to seeing yours the last couple of years. my arms nor my heart have ever quite gotten used to my empty nest. my baby boys flew the coop! grandchildren are gifts to make up for that longing to hold yr babies and give open affection without second thoughts. knowing what it's like not to have mine close makes me ache for you when you are lonely for yours.
Ok......This is WAY SAD!! :(
my nieces and nephews have brought me a lot of joy and ease from the lonliness of missing my sons over the years, but in the last couple of years, i've had to endure missing them also. :(
You guys need a dry pocket...?
you got one? :)
yeah. and somebody's gonna need some band-aids too, if i don't get to see my grandbaby.
it's after 10 p.m. and heather is just getting home with the kids. they have to be exhausted from all the constant visiting. but i suppose that is par for the course when "its about me".
tonight, april 5, darrell was out at frogmore with friends putting out crawfish nets and keeping company. heather came in from her boyfriends around 10. when darrell got home about 11 she called him on the phone and told him to come over, she needed to talk to him about the kids. she met him at the door in a t-shirt & undies and wanted him to come in, but, being cautious, he refused. i could hear her yelling and screaming obscenities at darrell and threatening him with not letting him ever see the kids. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, i hear. she sounded pretty nuts. i was helping darrell change a flat on his truck and she was still yelling for darrell to come back over there and him telling her to leave him alone. i had to tell her to go to bed before she would shut up and go back inside.
on a lighter note, we talked to darrell last night and he called heather and asked her to stop by here on her way home so we got a nice visit from our grandkids from around 8:30 to 10 P.M. kailani wanted to go around to all her things she has hidden around the house, including looking in her playhouse in the backyard just to make sure things were still there i guess. i reassured her that everything was still here. i'm sure she's noticed how things & people are missing & not the same. cody got to play with his daddy & curtis, his best friend, and i got the best, longest hug from him when he had to go home, he told me he loved me and missed me, it made my eyes tear.
the whole thing makes my eyes tear. :(
This is where it's at. I fail to understand those grand parents who can not differentiate between the wonderful feeling of their children in their arms and the special quality of a grandbaby embraced. I cannot define it, but I do know that is so memorable, and so missed.
I truly understand. I miss mine, too, who are away from me for different reasons.
I love you, little brother, and pray for God's resolution to be in your behalf.
children and grandchildren. our greatest treasures on this earth. nothing compares outside of the love of our mama's and daddy's. i know this, since daddy's been gone, there has been no hug quite like his to make up for his loss in our lives, and mama's hugs still bring me the greatest comfort. if my arms feel only half as comforting and loving to my sons as mama's does to me, then i have given them a gift worth cherishing. and as you have taken note, nothing compares to emmy's hugs and kisses. soon enough jane will be a big girl like emmy! until then, i'll do enough hugging for both os us, when i can see them all.
i too hold out for resolution in byron's behalf, and darrell's, and kay's and all....
i wonder why i thought mothers and easter sunday had any significance? perhaps its from remembering how we would dress in our very best, or how the girls always got either a new store bought dress, or all sewn to look alike (including mama's dress), to go to sunday school, with an egg hunt somewhere during the day. maybe i am clinging to the old vestiges of my imagination of what family life is about.
heather has left her children with her mom, and is gone for the weekend with her boyfriend. her mom came and picked the babies up around 7. she is supposed to drop them off here sunday morning as she is working and pick them up again after she gets off work. i shudder to think of how they are neglected when they are there, they are always filthy, have bug bites, and are wearing the same clothes when they come home. heather doesn't ever come home in the evenings until around 10pm, so we can imagine what her home looks like, she called this morning and got kay to bring over a clean pair of shorts for kailani to wear to daycare. it's sad when mama's treat their kids like unwanted baggage. especially so on easter weekend.
got darrell on the phone, he's riding the turn rows thinking about things, he says. invited him to come home and think in the driveway, i want to listen to his thoughts.
did he come home?
I wish we could do something to help.You and yours are in our thoughts and prayers. :(
yep. we've talked a little. he expressed his wishes about getting custody of kailani, and his concerns that he wont be able to get cody. talked about a few other things. i can only try to encourage him that everything will turn out well, and how resilient children are, if they can seek refuge in loving arms once in a while. how all of this is not his fault, but something seriously wrong with his ex. i let him read some of the posts in here that i have written about him and let him see how much i care for his well-being. he liked the poem, "it's about me", he also read this post. we looked at the reception pictures and i reminded him i asked him to go along, after looking at the girls, he wishes he would have :o). it helps him to know that others, like yourself, are thinking of him. he has just gone to bed with his new thoughts along with his old ones.....thanks.
if you are thinking of my boy, and his kids, then you are helping.
Good Morning: Glad that you guys were able to share some thoughts and things. I hope you all have a great weekend. Aaron is putting up a fence & I am fixing to clean my house and mow the lawn. I have TB mine is called Tired Butt!
BUTT here I go I am going now...means I have to get up......shoot! :)
Love Ya'll..
I hope everyone post some pics of the little one's hunting eggs. :)
Today, I have TB, also.
But, then again, I have TB everyday. Thankfully, my DA - do anyway - usually sufficiently offsets the TB.
Little Brother, our thoughts are also God-ward for you and yours. And that is enough for miracles; the greatest sometime seeming to be happiness.
i am missing my grandbaby girl. haven't seen her since easter sunday, her 2nd birthday has come and gone without a mention, her mother says she has too much on her mind to deal with a party for her.... tonight, same as last night, darrell is staying with friends, and patti had the babies today. heather called to say she is spending this night at her mothers because today is her dads (step-dads) birthday and they are having a cookout for him. and tomorrow, she says we are to have the babies .
if we do, we will have a small belated birthday celebration with a homemade cake and a couple of small gifts for our little girl. gifts are difficult with her mother around anyway, as she is likely to put them away and never give them to the kids. there are toys still boxed in the shed and clothes with tags still on them in the closets. see( without words)there is something disturbing about that. i am anxiously awaiting my babies visit, i will let her know that she is special to me on her birthday, and every other day too.
I am so sorry for you and Aunt Kaye!! Something seems so wrong there. :(
i worry too much about the kids, and i'm concerned that darrell is distracted too much to notice. i am glad that he is adjusting and has friends but sure wish i knew for sure that they are being cared for emotionally, not just fed & watered. heather is now chasing darrell again and he is still running away, he thinks, but doesn't know. oh, me.
it is after midnite. i have just finished an invitation and a banner for kay's job. i went outside for a break and i can hear her hollering "SHUT UP!" at the kids. i asked god to help them in whatever discomfort they are having, whether hunger, or wetness, or pain. darrell is asleep in his brothers room and i will not disturb him with this.
sometimes what they really need is affection. just to be held thru the night. haven't we all been there at times in our lives? they are babies. they need love.
i'm very sorrowful. it's not like they live on yr doorstep ... all that distance between yr place and theirs and yet you can still hear her screaming at those babies after midnight. must break yr heart to hear yr grandbabies get screamed at like that.
Jesus have mercy.
just had a brief conversation (if you can call it that) with heather when she came over to get the kids after her third day of dropping them off to mow the yard. could hear her yelling and swearing over the mower, presumably at darrell, because he won't come home.
tried to be intelligent, but alas, that's no good here. just wanted to know what she was doing with darrell, she says he broke up with her, he this, he that, he, he, he, i said i wanted to talk about her, not darrell. told her she can't just waltz in and out of peoples lives and hurting people, she grabbed the kids and goes. she yells back we can't see the kids anymore because we're hurting them ????. i asked her how, by loving them? so she storms back but can't find words.
anyway told her she needs to see a doctor, and go home and clean her filthy house. kay is worried, but i couldn't take anymore.
lord. you are yr daddy's son, that's for sure. sounds exactly like something he would say.
you are mild, in comparison to some of his "intrusions" (i'm sure considered that by some), like the time he marched nicky back to the house with a gun drawn at his back to make him apologize to me. lol. that was daddy for you.
anyway, she was in yr yard having her cussing fit so i guess it was in yr rights to ask her what was going on. unfortunately, she may decide to leave 'em at her folks a lot and keep them from you and kay, not to mention darrell. that would suck major.
i'm sorry for the whole situation, but mostly for the babies. well, also for the grownups. i know your heart hurts.
she'll get over it when she pleases as if nothing ever happened.
i think the end retort "go home and clean your filthy house" was partly because i asked her to give me one reason why anybody would want her and she had no answer. she didn't give me a chance to verbalize all my thoughts before she blew up.
not blaming you. she does need to go home and clean it. also needs to lay off the kids and the cursing.
i was trying to be nice :o( guess thats that inquisitive mind you were talking about.:o).
hahah. sorrry that's funny.. it's like my car finance people gripping cause i haven't paid them..(the reason is my company stopped payments on my invoices cause they didn't like how our insurance worded something) ....i rarely go off on people but that woman on the other end of the phone..pissed me off. she told me i should get another part time job when i take off 3-4 days a month working 10-12 hours a day.... and that i should borrow the money to pay them.....I'm like YEA RIGHT and OWN THEM TOO..I would raither just own one person. Stupid $6.50 per hour phone help telling me i should work more... i ask her if she had my present address.. she said yes... I told her that if she didn't like my work schedule to come get the stupid car. Bad DAY! felt good to get it off my chest tho. maybe this was mine and uncle byron's day. :)
if they stopped paying invoices did you stop working for them?
i threatened to 2 monday's ago.. and someone came up with $600.00 to cover my gas for a week..so i keep working. i should have tho..just need to keep working so when they get it straight i'll have some to turn in. ... budget's to low to bark to loud.
know that feeling.
tell her to put it in writing. that's the answer to ALL bill collectors who phone you. a limited C&D (cease and desisit). if you tell them it is inconvenient for them to call you anywhere at anytime so put it in writing and they call you again, they owe you statutory damages of one grand. plus, most of them pretty quickly rack up a few more violations at a grand each. in fact, just talking to you like that was a grand violation. that's considered harassment.
one time some years ago one of them asked me how i pd the phone bill if i couldn't pay them. jerks. the phone they were calling me on! lol. i wish i'd known then what i know now. anyway, bottom line is you don't have to let them call you at all much less give you a hard time on the phone.
reminds me of what i tell people that say they need a job so they can buy a car so they can go to work, or, they need a car so they can go to work to pay for the car. just doesn't add up.
yup
....crazy cycle
Well it's that time of year. Looks like we are in for a little deja vu. We had a good day yesterday with the two babies here most of the day until Darrell picked them up around 8 ish.
As you stated in your opening post: "There are so many different emotions I cannot say. I will be praying for my boys mental health and happiness, and Son, "I'll leave the light on for ya"."
Sometimes that's all you can offer, your hopes and prayers.
It's springtime and such a lovely time of year. We have to remember to be grateful for the renewal and focus on the joy it brings, as we see it expressed in our grandbabies' eyes and their enchantment with the season.
Hoping for the best.
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