On Wednesday, May 27th, 2009, our sweet sister and her husband, Jackie Carroll, laid to rest their prematurely born infant child.
To my knowledge, she has not before now, known exactly how she was going to bear to part with this sweet child, who came to be known to us as her "beanie baby". The gender unknown for sure, this child was called to me by the proper name "Bambino", which, when translated, literally means, "little boy", or "little child". In art, it is used to refer to the the to the image of the infant Jesus in swaddling clothes.
The very fact that she has held on to this child for so long without knowing when and where she would give him a final resting place speaks volumes to me. It speaks of the sincerity in her heart and in her belief that all life is sacred. It speaks to me of her knowledge that life is given, and life is also taken away. The purposes and means of this is not always in our understanding, so we trust in our instinct, in belief that there is a special place we can call "home". This is Faith.
To this end, as the words fail to pass my lips, I am compelled to write this psalm, so that even though speech may elude me, my heart does not.
Home
I've laid two souls to rest today and how reluctantly,
for if I had another wish, they would still be here with me.
For into me the seeds of life had bloomed so vibrantly,
this little life that glittered, like a star so brilliantly.
How seldom do we get this chance of opportunity,
to have a child to call our own for all eternity.
And how the time has quickly come, to send him on his way,
there are children there awaiting, where he can run, and play.
I know you loved your children, your grandchildren were your prize,
so into your arms I've laid this one, while you close your eyes.
I cannot give a greater gift than this last child of mine,
to take him home to Jesus, where he can truly shine.
I know he's not a burden, you loved your children so,
so into your grasp I'm trusting, to heaven he will go.
Into your hands I've placed my child for all eternity,
to take him home to Jesus, where he will wait for me.
Take and show our Father, the gift he gave to me,
the seeds of life within me, how briefly that may be.
Tell him I will miss him but this is best you see,
the little child that was once here, can now my angel be.
And how the time has quickly come to send him on his way,
there are children there awaiting, where he can run, and play.
In loving memory of our
beanie baby Bambino, 'John'
and Ma Betty Carroll
© 2009 byronc
27 comments:
The poem makes me think you meant May, not April?
Wow.....I hated seeing the pain in her eyes when she was talking about this little baby. I lost a little one in 03 and can still remember that day and the details. I am glad you wrote this Uncle Byron...Aunt lydia has cried many tears over this and its good to know that someone else cares. love ya!
Yes, I'll fix it.
As always, I may act like a clown, but it's only my happy face.
I was not aware that she was thinking about doing this, and I agonized about publicly posting something like this.
As I stated, I felt compelled to let her know how important she is to us, and we will always care.
Our love for you as well.
Byron, thank you so much for those beautiful words ringing as true as my heart would speak them. i cannot thank you enough for caring and understanding a love so deep that it's much too hard to explain. a child born to me so premature without a chance to hold and love him has been one of the hardest things in life i have ever endured. i cannot say why...
only God knew when i was going to feel a timely release for my child. i feel that God had provided the arms to carry my little one on. a relief to me to get him out of the cold, cold limbo he has laid in until this time. i have always been one to hug, kiss, hold, and pledge my love to all my children and grandchildren, while with this one, feeling i had lost my opportunity. jack and i sent a note with him in his little box that i covered in adhesive fabric cloth inside and out. i embroidered a new diaper_ 'You are Loved' _ and tucked him in nice and warm and i ask Mama Betty to take him on with her. i know without a doubt that she would be happy to take him with her in passing from here to the next world. i cannot explain the relief i feel that he has finally gone on in some more proper way and to have laid him in Mama Betty's arms brought me much more comfort than if i had laid him alone.
Rest in peace my little one, with Grandma Betty. i will see you again some day and i will hold you lovingly for a long while and then_ my heart will be full...
Until then..you are in my heart..
My Little Bambino, ' John '.
Jan 7, 2009' _ Jan 7, 2009'
And thank you for clarifying this for us. I am sure you have mentioned it before, but my mind is not as clearly focused as it should be.
no need for clarification really. everything you said was in perfect order and perfectly spoken.
And I for certain cannot as well. Although I cannot know your anguish, I can feel it deep inside. Sometimes words are not really necessary to convey to those who are close to you, the feelings that are in your heart. I am thankful that you shared this moment with us, and extremely happy that you have found a wonderfully special way to say goodbye to your child, "John".
Thanks for allowing us to be there with you and to see in this way a small window of your life. love always
Well, I added his name to the post anyway, just to be right.
Jen, those of us who have lost a child understand. I have now learned that age holds no boundaries in loss and love. I understand that the heart beats early and knowing that a heart struggled for life within me has been my hurt. We share a loss and a sisterhood. I love ya.
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At the moment of conception, a male sperm unites with a female ovum. The single-celled entity formed by the sperm and oocyte (egg) is known as a zygote.
At conception, the zygote has 46 chromosomes—23 from each parent, comprising approximately 50,000 genes—which combine to determine all of one's physical characteristics, including sex, facial features, body type, and color of hair, eyes, and skin.
A baby's heart begins to beat 18 days from conception, and by 21 days the heart is pumping blood through a closed circulatory system.
A baby's brainwaves can be detected at 6 weeks from conception.
Fingerprints have formed on an unborn child's hands by 14 weeks from conception.
By 9 weeks from conception, all the structures necessary for pain sensation are functioning.
your a good brother Byron. i'm forever grateful and privileged to share this.., my life with you.
Ah..., the beginning of life.
Byron, the psalm is beautiful. We also lost a child a few years ago, before term, I still have his little shoes. I know that he is with Jesus and is waiting for me. I took great comfort in your psalm. Thank you
I am so sorry for their loss.
The bond between a mother and their child is boundless, no matter the age that they are separated.
Children recognize this bond themselves and find solace in this love. Thank you for sharing this with us. Our love extends to you.
thank you dianne. may heaven heal your heart a well.
Our Mother lost a child several years before I was born, the details of which are sketchy to me as this was seldom spoken of. I believe our sister Lotus lost a child as well. The mere thought that mothers must suffer their anguish in silence is heartbreaking to me. There is no end and no boundary for kindness. There is no shame in love.
With Lee Ann's consent, I may open this post to wider access so this Mother's story, and the epic journey of this child may reach others. The purpose of this is not to not to perpetuate the memory of his passing, but rather to celebrate the moments of his life and to acknowledge the place this child, no matter how humble it's beginnings, holds in her heart. For to borrow the words of another author; "But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day". (NKJV 2nd Peter 3:8)
Any private thoughts and well wishes may be left here at her site; http://jacklydia.multiply.com/
I am so busy that I just opened up this blog to see the news.
My heart is also touched, saddened for the apparent pain in all of this. I am not only saddened, but feel the privilege of knowing how deeply my siblings care for each other, and for their little ones. There is very little comfort in the deeply agonizing times of loss, but the greatest of that which comforts is knowing someone acknowledges our pain.
We do. I do.
Love to all of you; my siblings, my children, and my cousin, too.
May God always comfort and keep you. All of you.
Charles
I can only hope you're right. It's seems so very little to offer, but I do want her to know I care.
I was thinking of giving this post wider access, but on second thought I have changed my mind.
It was written for and belongs to Lydia, she can do with it what ever she chooses, it is hers.
byron please do open the post. until now somehow i have foolishly felt i had no rights to cry over my little one_ being conceived and died at such an untimely period in my life. i am quite sure there are many other women like myself who have silently carried their own losses. i have cried so many tears alone for the loss i felt, so i feel there may be a bit of therapeutic healing in letting others read your psalm and know they are not alone.
i thank you so much.
My dear brother, i couldn't have said it better and i thank you.
You have just as much of a right to be upset as I did @ 27 years old when I lost my little one. I still think about it at times and feel sad and my mind starts to wander about what could have been.Thanks again Uncle Byron for sharing this!
this is beautiful
As you wish, post opened for everyone.
Visitors, feel welcome to leave a message, however, do be aware that any injurious comments which cause any type of distress for this mother will be removed. Thanks.
A beautiful psalm for a beautiful person. I am only a vessel, the inspiration comes from elsewhere.
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